Not sure what exactly put me in the place I am in right now but I feel like I should somehow try to put it into words.
Last week wasn’t one of my best weeks because I was reminded of a few things that were said and happened a few years back. And as you can see it still hunts me, not everyday but sometimes it does.
I left University earlier on Tuesday last week and cancelled work because I didn’t feel like I could actually proceed with my life for a few hours. It got better the same night and I went to bed and the next day things were fine again, but still; I was surprised by myself that I still let things that were said about me years ago, affect me today. Don’t get me wrong, I’m very happy at the moment, quite content, everything is going well but everybody comes with baggage and has issues sometimes, right?
So a few years a back, someone I liked, who I considered a good friend if not more, told me that I was “very nice but well, I was too fat”.
First things first: Don’t ever tell someone that they are “too fat”.
This is not okay, rude and it makes them feel like they are not good enough. And not feeling good enough is probably one of the worst feelings in the world. Just don’t say anything about it because usually people who are chubby and/or overweight are very aware of the fact, thanks.
Second thing: There is no such thing as “too fat”.
People HAVE fat, they ARE NOT fat, there are people who have more fat and people who have less fat but their amount of fat on their body does NOT define them.
That person literally told me that they thought I was really nice (I have a good character blablabla) but in the same sentence they told me my weight is a problem for them, seriously? It’s my weight, MY weight and why do they even care so much if they think I was nice? Why? That doesn’t even make sense.
Number three: I was a 16 year old girl with weight issues and that person knew about other problems i had/everybody OBVIOUSLY has in their teenage years. Why would somebody point something out and state it as THEIR problem if that person already knows it’s something I was insecure about? I still can’t explain it until today, to be completely honest.
All I know is that if I had the chance to talk to my 16 year old self, I would tell her how beautiful she was.
I would tell her how fucking gorgeous she looked at her second prom where she wore that floor-long, blue velvet dress.
I would tell her how fucking she fantastic she looked without make up on.
I would tell her to set her alarm later every Tuesday and Thursday and skip the black eyeliner every single morning.
I would tell her that it was okay to not wear make up at all.
I would tell her to smile more often because her smile is adorable.
I would tell her to laugh out loud at all the jokes, because what other people said about her loud laugh, not being appropriate, is absolute and utter bullshit.
I would tell her that she looked fucking fantastic in that bikini on the beach.
I would tell her that she could wear all the band shirts she wants because who the hell cares
I would tell her to wear shorts more often in P.E.
I would tell her to stop worrying so much about what other people think about her.
I would tell her to flirt more.
I would tell her to open her eyes because there were people who fancied her.
I would tell her to let people in.
I would tell her that it’s okay to cry without a reason but at the same time it’s also okay to smile and not have a reason for it.
I would tell her that she is good enough.
I would tell her not to worry about her weight and most important of all:
I would tell her to laugh into that aforementioned persons face and tell them “You know what? Thank you for showing me what a shitty person you are. Fuck you and bye!”
Don’t let anybody make you feel like you’re not good enough because you are good enough and totally worth it. Don’t ever let someone tell you how you should look so they like not only your character but also your appearance. Don’t ever let someone tell you that you should change.
You’re allowed to stand up for yourself and your weight. You are also allowed to try and lose weight for yourself. And most important of all: You are allowed to love yourself, every single piece of yourself!
Have a nice Sunday evening.